Everything End of Life.
This podcast is dedicated to talking to experts and others about all aspects of death and dying. You know, that thing we don't really want to talk about!
As a hospice carer and former psychiatric nurse as well as writer and former Theatre director, I invite guests to talk about their roles in and what to expect in the last four weeks of life. What happens to the person dying, what help is there, what to do before and after the event.
Many of the families we go in to see have one thing in common and that is that they don't know what to expect. I thought that a Podcast may help and then discovered so much to explore that is of interest to people such as alternative funerals, what do Hospices actually do, what role do religions play?
So join me for the first interview as we begin this Podcast with Clinical Nurse Specialist Becky Rix where we grasp the nettle and discuss what happens to us generally in those last four weeks.
Time to explore "Everything End of Life".
Everything End of Life.
Pajama Philosophy: How Three Sisters Define Compassion.
Join me for the very first silly, experimental episode of everything EOL. It's a bit fun the girls and I recorded at Xmas to test the equipment and explore the concept of Compassion.
What does compassion truly look like in our everyday lives? Drawing the curtains back on my own family dynamics, this heartfelt conversation with my three daughters reveals the beautiful, sometimes messy reality of how we care for one another.
Through candid dialogue that bounces between laughter and serious reflection, we discover the unique compassion languages each family member speaks. Shania shares how being "outside the situation" allows her to support her sister during emotional moments. Rachel opens up about vulnerability and the comfort that comes from the right person checking in. Sarah demonstrates her love through practical gestures—offering dinner, drinks, and tangible support when words fail.
The conversation uncovers a profound truth: compassion wears many faces. For some, it's the gift of presence during difficult times. For others, it's acts of service that speak volumes. We joke about having "the empathy of a wooden spoon," yet reveal the depth beneath surface reactions—how understanding sometimes "takes a while to sink in" but arrives with genuine care.
Most touching are the single words each daughter chooses to describe being good to others: "proud," "warm," and "selfless." These simple terms capture the essence of compassion's reciprocal nature—how giving to others fulfills something essential in ourselves.
Whether you're navigating family relationships or seeking to better understand your own compassion style, this intimate glimpse into our pajama-clad philosophy session offers valuable insights on the healing power of showing up for each other. What's your compassion language, and how might understanding it transform your connections?
For those interested in what Palliative care looks like at home there is "The Last Kiss" (Not a Romance)
Available on Amazon now
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Last-Kiss-Romance-Carers-Stories/dp/1919635289/ref=sr_1_1?crid=13D6YWONKR5YH&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9._59mNNFoc-rROuWZnAQfsG0l3iseuQuK_gx-VxO_fe6DLJR8M0Az039lJk_HxFcW2o2HMhIH3r3PuD7Dj-D6KTwIHDMl2Q51FGLK8UFYOBwbRmrLMbpYoqOL6I5ruLukF1vq7umXueIASDS2pO91JktkZriJDJzgLfPv1ft5UtkdQxs9isRDmzAYzc5MKKztINcNGBq-GRWKxgvc_OV5iKKvpw0I5d7ZQMWuvGZODlY.fqQgWV-yBiNB5186RxkkWvQYBoEsDbyq-Hai3rU1cwg&dib_tag=se&keywords=the+last+kiss+not+a+romance&qid=1713902566&s=books&sprefix=The+Last+kiss+n%2Cstripbooks%2C107&sr=1-1
So hello and welcome to Everything. End of Life with me here, jason Cottrell and guests, and my guest today is Shania. Shania, come and say hello, please. Hello, shania, so you need to be talking into this. This is the microphone, okay. So, shania, what is the most compassionate thing you've ever heard anybody do, something that's really kind and useful for another human being?
Speaker 2:Having me at your house for christmas okay, I'll go with that.
Speaker 1:But in respect of that, compassion is about feeling about other people's pain and then trying to help mitigate that in some way by an act of kindness, by an uh, by helping them in some way, by getting out of their face, or you know it's. It's an act of kindness. So, bearing that in mind, how have you helped Rachel today?
Speaker 2:Rachel. I went and checked on Rachel when I knew she was upset.
Speaker 1:Yes, you did.
Speaker 2:Because I knew she would not talk to anybody else.
Speaker 1:I know, and she has got a special bond with you. Is that not correct? That's correct, and where do you think that comes from?
Speaker 2:I think it's more being outside of the situation, especially with sarah and rachel. Obviously they grew up together I know each other yeah my own relationship with my siblings isn't as close as they are, but I know that if I had an issue, I'd rather talk to someone else outside of the family.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah okay, well, that sounds cool. Can I swap your place with rachel? Yes, okay, rachel, would you be kind of come join us, and we are talking compassion on compassionate communities. Come sit down for a moment. So, uh, bearing in mind that you are a replica of uh, shania in those pajamas, but with more delightful eyelashes. So you had a bit of a tricky time this evening. That was, you know, something was taken out of your hands and you felt a bit vulnerable and annoyed. Tell us about that a little bit what do you want me to say?
Speaker 1:I don't know so how did that make you feel when everything went all a bit tits up and your only friend in the world was shania? Pissed off, pissed off yeah okay, how did that play out for you? How did that? How did you manage to come back from that talk?
Speaker 2:to shania, talk to Talk to.
Speaker 1:Shania, I feel like I'm being safeguarded. Okay, this is scaring me. Sorry, can I just say I'm going to delete this.
Speaker 2:No, I feel like I'm being safeguarded. I feel like I'm at school. Yeah, no, this is what my teacher's going to be like what happened? How did you throw it? This isn't going anywhere. Just so we can, We'll talk about how we felt tonight.
Speaker 1:This is so that I can have a recording that I can edit and learn how to do the editing. So go away.
Speaker 2:Apart from the fact that I have a radio face.
Speaker 1:I'm going to go get Sarah, okay, all right. So how was Christmas for you? Is it comfy, is it warm? Is it cosy? Yeah, very, is that it You're?
Speaker 2:looking at me like you hate me. I'm just very confused.
Speaker 1:So I'm just writing a recording, just so that I can. I'm checking out, see if you see this little button up here. Now I know that these real tech, these real tech, um, microphone is working. So now I'm actually recording sound properly. We're getting a clean sound. So when I actually come because if I don't do this, what I hear is it's all the background noise.
Speaker 2:So I need to make sure that I've got that sorted all right, can I give you something to edit out, to make sure you can edit okay, there you go then.
Speaker 1:Okay, we can get rid of that sarah okay, sarah, would you please come and join me in the hot seat. So this evening we have quite an exciting time with the girls opening their presents hang on one moment, mum.
Speaker 2:Can you turn the heating off?
Speaker 1:I'm sweating it is quite warm to be fair, we got uh, is it possible, I can edit that out. That's fine, oh, we're recording.
Speaker 2:Yes, we're recording he's learning to edit.
Speaker 1:I'm going to edit so sarah in those pajamas, that makes you look like third Marx brother.
Speaker 2:They're very cool Aren't they.
Speaker 1:I've got to say that's such a good idea Every month. So you had a. I'm talking about compassion, so I ask I'll ask you the same question as I asked Shania Act of kindness. Have you noted, either in yourself or someone else, that has made somebody else feel better?
Speaker 2:I offered for Rachel to come to the pub with us, and I've just bought her dinner.
Speaker 1:Outside of the family.
Speaker 2:I'm talking, oh, outside of the family and you watered me and I was happy.
Speaker 1:So you fed and watered your little sister like she was a puppy. Yes, okay. So outside of the family, have you noticed any of your friends do an amazing act of kindness, can it be?
Speaker 2:me.
Speaker 1:No, can it be you?
Speaker 2:I gave my homeless best friend, a place to live?
Speaker 1:Okay, yes, that was good. I'm blowing you a trumpet. No, hang on Tonight, today, today, yeah, I haven't spoken to any of my friends today.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's a bit sad, excuse me, what? Oh, no front of you there. Oh, she doesn't count. Oh my god, okay, what the?
Speaker 1:hell, was that a ball like did a raptor just? Walk through the kitchen oh my god, it's gone there again do you want some help.
Speaker 2:It won't fit. I'll help. The stuffing won't fit.
Speaker 1:This is a compassionate christmas. Come back, oh my god, there's no. You Do you know? Okay, are we good? Are we good? What? Oh, hang on.
Speaker 2:Oh, actually, when we were at the pub a man bought a woman a drink. That was an act of kindness.
Speaker 1:So this guy in the pub, what was he trying to do? Was he trying?
Speaker 2:to check a woman up. He was trying to get laid. He was trying to get laid.
Speaker 1:So that's not really an act of kindness, that's an act of selfishness. If she accepted the drink and then said, yes, you're going to get laid tonight, that would have been an act of kindness.
Speaker 2:That would have been stupid. That would have been an act of charity, an act of charity.
Speaker 1:Okay, well, we're worth it. Here we are, we're learning, all right.
Speaker 2:As pure stupidity. What if you get kidnapped? I've done that before.
Speaker 1:What if he's really fit? We both end up in ridiculous situations. Oh I know, Hello, all right, okay, so I'm going to bring this recording to an end now, so I would like just a parting, one word. Give me one word that describes your feelings about being good to other people. What would it be? Proud, proud Like that, rachel, okay.
Speaker 2:I already said mine.
Speaker 1:Which was what Warm Warm, oh, does it make you feel warm.
Speaker 2:That's why I wanted to give everyone presents tonight.
Speaker 1:Okay, selfless as opposed to selfish yeah.
Speaker 2:As opposed to shellfish.
Speaker 1:As opposed to shellfish, which is, I think, we all show our love in very different ways.
Speaker 2:Yes, sarah likes gifts. I like giving people gifts. Sarah likes doing acts of service for people. She likes doing things for people. She does.
Speaker 1:She's a very giving person. And she likes giving things which. I think is actually an act of control as well. Emotions she's not good on emotions, yeah. She could have things like that. She could give you some peanuts and say will this help?
Speaker 2:If Sarah will say let's go out for dinner, let's go out for drinks we did it the other day I was miserable, absolutely miserable.
Speaker 2:Sarah took me out for dinner and we went and we did bottomless brunch and she was better after and I was happier I told Sarah I was sad and she was like oh, she said to me she went, oh that's it, yeah, that's it. I'm going to sleep now. Get out of my room, but earlier you were sad right, yeah. And Sarah said come to the pub with us and I will buy you dinner. That is true.
Speaker 1:That is true, I can't see food and drink.
Speaker 2:That's Sarah's speciality.
Speaker 1:Could somebody pass me my drink, by the way, sarah?
Speaker 2:does. Which one is it? Which one do you think it is the?
Speaker 1:beer and the whiskey which is over somewhere.
Speaker 2:They're over there.
Speaker 1:Thank you. So we are talking some serious editing here?
Speaker 2:I think so, Sarah does acts of service and gift giving.
Speaker 1:I am much more of a advice sort of person.
Speaker 2:When, growing up, my mum used to tell me that I have the empathy of a wooden spoon.
Speaker 1:No, that was me.
Speaker 2:See, the thing is, I don't think you do. She tries, no I think she does.
Speaker 1:She has the empathy. It takes a while to sink in.
Speaker 2:That's all I'm gonna say. When she understands that there is actually an emotional problem. When I have big emotions around, it's usually I deal with that and then Sarah deals with the aftermath. I have my emotions and then I tell Sarah about them and Sarah tells me to grow up, and then I do, and then Sarah will recognize that there is an issue and that I have an issue, and then she will try and fix it in the best way that she knows how can I just run this by you?
Speaker 1:on holiday, the boot was entirely on the other foot, as somebody was having a meltdown when we were all on holiday and you turned around and when she was going oh, for god's sake, sarah, growing up, you're acting like a three-year-old and actually we all went yes, you are. She was acting like a three-year-old my thing is I think that was a chemical problem at that time.
Speaker 2:I won't pander to someone who's acting like a child and I have never, ever, ever been unrealistic towards Sarah.
Speaker 1:You know you are, so you know it's black and white. You know, don't be a knob If I think you're acting like a child.
Speaker 2:I will tell you that I'm acting like a child. I said that to her.
Speaker 1:And I said that to him before I said it.
Speaker 2:I said if I go over there I'm going to tell her she's acting like a child.
Speaker 1:And I went. Actually I think I said something like I just don't want to hear it, just because you know I'm bored with her. Now I did. I told you she's acting like a child, but you got over it and you had a lovely holiday and I came downstairs and shouted at you and you don't think they've ever got close to having in four years.
Speaker 1:But also, Okay, can we not make this the Shania and Sarah show here? I am actually doing this thing about compassion, so, compassionately, would you all like to say, come and say give a wave goodbye to the camera. Okay, look at this. Three.
Speaker 2:Oh they're beautiful, my daughters all three of them, my friend just straight for the first time ever.
